My heart is grieving in ways that words cannot explain. The sadness that grips my heart is weighing heavy on my soul as my mind searches for answers. Many times in the solitude of my own thoughts since I heard the sad news this morning of Beth’s untimely death, I have cried out to God for answer. Why, God? Why? But as is often times the case in situations like this, God gives no answer. It is not because He doesn’t want to give an answer. It’s because there is no answer that He can give that would stop my heart from crying out in pain and sadness. The circumstances surrounding not only Beth’s death, but her life is merely a product of a fallen world.
Yet to trivialize it as being a result of the sin that has engulfed the world since Adam first ate from the forbidden fruit seems incredibly unfair to Beth. She was not only a child of God, bought by Christ’s sacrifice, but was also one of us. She was an integral part of the home group that I belong to. And she was my friend. I prayed for her daily. And she had told me as late as a few days ago that she was praying for me. So now, we not only lose a part of our home group family, I have lost someone whom I continually prayed for and who prayed for me. I lost a friend last night.
What strikes right to the depths of my heart is that as far as her home group or church family, I was probably the last one she spoke to. She wrote to inform me that she would not be at our home group Sunday night because she was going to a concert Sunday night in Gruene. I was going to give her something to give to her mom. She asked if I could bring it Sunday morning instead. And then Sunday morning, I found out the terrible news.
Even as I write my thoughts, tears stinging at my eyes, God’s still, quiet voice whispers in my head, reminding me what I had told Beth just a few weeks ago that I truly believed that God was about to do something special for her. But even as God brought those things to my mind, I couldn’t help but think then that Satan had won. He got to Beth before God could do the special thing He was going to do.
But in no uncertain terms, God spoke into my heart saying that Satan did not win. He can no longer touch her. All the internal strife and discouragement that she has lived with in her life has gone away. For the first time in her life, Beth is at peace. So while I and others grieve on this planet for the loss of someone who was like family to us, Beth is standing before Jesus with the problems that had tormented her throughout her life completely gone. For the first time, she is truly happy, full of joy, and peace. And now I know, that just a few weeks ago, the last time I physically saw Beth, when I told her that I really believed God was about to do something special for her, that it has now happened. It wasn’t in the way I was thinking. But what she is feeling now is something even greater than I ever thought it would be. God has indeed done something special for Beth. She is now home with Jesus.
Beth, I will miss you. I will miss praying for you. I will miss your emails thanking me for my prayers. I will surely miss your prayers for me. I will miss you sitting on the corner of the couch at the Kelsey’s home during home group. I know I am not the only one who will shed tears for many months to come every time I see that spot on the couch without you sitting there. And one day soon, I will see you in Heaven and look forward to seeing you again, with the joy of Jesus shining in your face in a place where there will be no more tears.
Although there are many here on earth that will miss you, you are now where you belong. Welcome home, Beth.